An Evening with David Sedaris

"To Nancy and Annie--Thanks for making me rich!" Signed David Sedaris.

The phrase was both witty and mordantly caustic which is what I like to call the Sedaris Touch (ala The Lubitsch Touch). We had waited a good 45 minutes in the line to have our book signed by the talented author and both of us were ecstatic. What would WE say? What would HE say?

Finally it was our turn and Mr. Sedaris looked smaller, frailer, and more human up close and personal. But I guess that's how it always is when you build up someone in your head and finally meet them in person and realize, "Oh yea, they're just flesh and bone too."

He had asked mundane questions to us like where were we from and why the hell had we driven an hour and a half down to San Antonio to see, of all people, him. We were flubbering fools and gushed as if we were teens in front of some fad pop idol. We told him how we tried to go to his Austin show but it was sold out and I asked if he had time to see the city and maybe get drunk on 6th Street. He said no and that he usually sees former governor Ann Richards when he's in Austin and we listened intently.

We were ushered into our seats and the Empire Theatre in San Antonio was quite fancy. The red chairs and heavy velvet curtain shone in the beaming spotlights. The wine and cocktails served at the bar would have pushed the event towards being pretentious but then sitting next to the couple that was already almost half drunk brought the status levels down a notch.

I realized. "Nancy, do you think he was being serious about Ann Richards?" Nancy looked at me and said it was a grey area. He seemed to be telling us the truth but then again the Sedaris Touch creeps in and the room for sarcasm is endless!! I buried my face in my hands, "Oh, we're fools! Of course he was just joking!!" There was the possibility for him to know one of the popular political figures of Texas such as Ms. Richards....but he also had a morbid fascination with monkeys and spiders. I guess like the age old tootsie roll-licking question, the world may never know.

The two hours of grandeur was filled with Mr. Sedaris reading from his writings, two pieces I recognized from "Dress your Family in Courdoroy and Denim" and others I didn't but were equally as funny. It was an entertaining night and I felt redeemed in my own literary pursuits. Or to say the least, I had a broader knowledge of spiders:

Did you know that there is a spider that carries its egg sack attached to its behind. And if for some reason, the sack gets stolen or lost, the spider is content with carrying around a piece of trash in its place.

I hope I never lose my egg sack...