Confronting the Bullshit

9:05 A.M....
My hands my hands my hands too sweaty too sweaty what will i say to make them like me or maybe start off with a funny story what the hell do i know about funny stories oh dear oh dear breath mints breath mints yea put some extra in your pocket but not too many because last time you put mints in your pocket you put too many so when you stood up to shake the interviewer's hand, the mints poured out of your pocket onto the floor and you both stood there in awkward silence and i just smiled and walked out what a retard i am oh gee in retrospect i should have swept the breath mints into a neat pile with the side of my shoe and dustpanned them into the cusp of my palm with the business card he had given me but maybe just maybe the interviewer swept them up himself and put them in a glass cup and offered them to the other unsuspecting interviewees after me and inside his head he was devilishly laughing to himself do i look alright i need a haircut oh dear what would mom say i wish i wasn't like this just relax just relax its just an interview not the end of the world but it sure does feel like it when you walk out that door and you know they're not going to call you back bullshit i hate it

9:10 A.M....
My last interviewer gave me a "satisfactory" for my appearance mother-fucker what does he want me to wear a Dolce & Gabbana pinstriped two piece mother fucker what does a girl have to do oh well it was only for Walgreen's what do i know maybe the store managers at Walgreen's do wear Dolce & Gabbana pinstriped two pieces and if so then to hell with them i dont need that shit mother fucker the interviewer was nice though i wonder if when i left he laughed just a little bit or laughed alot maybe some guffaws at what a fool i was what did i say i don't even remember he had a mustache Speedy Gonzalez mother fucker no no no thats not nice Annie why do you say shit like that just to make yourself feel better its human nature though oh fuck off you're so full of yourself Annie the ego the ego the goddamn mother fuckin ego i swear get it together you're Annie you're Annie just be yourself but they dont tell you to do that in all the Career Center literature they give you or the workshops you attend they tell you to always wear skin toned pantyhose and always smile and slick back your hair mother fuckers this is absolute bullshit

9:15 A.M.
Should i go in now i dont know who am i interviewing with again oh yea oh yea a mortgage company what the hell do i know about mortgages the other interview with the insurance company i went fifteen minutes early and just sat there in the sanitized aroma of the career center with the labrinth of interview rooms tiny rooms where they expect to fit you and your nerves and your butterflies as well as the interviewer and his bullshit questions in what the hell thats not fair they should have the interviews in bars where people can just drink and relax because corporate people these days go to happy hours after work anyhow and that's where they really have fun and the alcohol will surely ease the nerves and kill the butterflies and make your brain cells throb so you can tell witty stories you probably made up but people do that when they're sober why make this process so cut throat breathe in breathe out pop in another breath mint my teeth hurt

9:20 AM
Alright here we go here we go just another day just 30 minutes of meeting another person 30 minutes of talking about your strengths and making them see your winning smile 30 minutes of.....excrutiating pain and my insides rip up whenever they ask me a question and when i see them searching my face for an answer i want to slide out a butcher knife i've been hiding in my suit jacket and cut out their tongues and scream WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO ASK ME NOW MOTHER FUCKER

9:25 A.M.
Hi, are you Annie?
Yes, nice to meet you.

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10:07 A.M.
Oh my god oh my god decompress decompress its over its over they liked you but you still were a spaz at times did you have to SAY spaz so many times lets review the transcript a whopping ten times oh gee who wants to hire a spaz and you paused way too long after they asked a question and before you began and why did you tell them the Norma Jean story they probably thought you made that shit up because whose name is still Norma Jean oh gosh how disappointing mortgages are bullshit oh stop oh stop always trying to talk yourself out of feeling like shit well maybe its time you just wallowed in your own self misery interviews suck ass goddamn fuck why can't you be more like that girl who has it all with the perfect makeup and perfect pinstriped suit who already is in her second round of interviews and not only is she flying out to New York this weekend for an office visit she already has offers from Dell, IBM, and mother fuckin Microsoft goddamn but do you want that do you really want that or do you want something more something more that makes your insides shake with passion and something that when you do it you just feel like its just you and your skin and your thoughts and just being honest with your soul thats what i want to do i don't want that other bullshit i just want to write and write good and write for those who like my writing fuck confront the bullshit of it all and just be honest with yourself stop being a scared shit and just do it dont worry you can get through this lets take five and have a cigarette