Interview with a Vampire

So how did you two meet?

Thalia giggles and continues, "Oh I was a waitress at the cocktail bar down on 17th street. I had been working there for shit tips and hangovers so I wasn't happy at all. My life sucked."

George interrupts,"But then I swept her off her toes one night. Remember that night, you were such a cunt to me."

"Oh, really, hahaha," Thalia punches him in the arm. "If I remember correctly you were the one who tried to get a free drink, didn't tip enough, and tried to grab my ass all fuckin night. That's not what I call sweeping me off my feet. But for some reason I put up with your nonsense. You were different from all the other bozos. Go figure."

So you two met at a bar and what was yall's first date?

"We went to the movies." Thalia says with confidence.

George has a look of confusion not the first time present since the beginning of this interview. "No we didn't; we went to the Shangri-la. That snazzy joint uptown. They have killer lobster ravioli."

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head disapprovingly, "He doesn't know what he's talking about. It was the movies. The Shangri-la was after that."

George, "Really?"

"Yes. Trust me. We went to the movies, saw that dip-shit Clooney flick, and ended up meeting that other couple."

George slaps his cheek reminicsingly, "Shit, that's right, babe. You have such a good memory. She takes Ginko Biloba. But vitamins like that scare the shit out of me. Heebie-geebies!"

Who's this other couple?

"Oh it was this young newlywed couple that were really cute. He wore black socks and she wore a beret. Black socks! That's genius!" George looks up at some imaginary screen above his head and is lost in his thoughts.

Where were they from? What did yall do?

The two look at eachother.

"That's when we both found out we were vampires and ever since we've been soulmates." Thalia grins a toothy smile and reveals her long canines.

"Oh babe, you said we're soulmates, " he leans in for a kiss. "I need that validation sometimes."

"He's such a pussy." Thalia gives him another kiss and George blushes.

So did yall end up killing that other couple?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're vampires. Not murderers. Please. All we're doing is eating, feeding, energizing ourselves. Shit, its not like we're killing everything with a pulse. Me and George try to eat as much fruit as we can as long as its red. But for dinner, we have to have at least a body over 125 pounds or we're shot to shit the next morning. It's like a person who has to eat beef. Killing those cows are much more worse than what we do to our prey." Thalia sighs and calms down.

Sorry, I didn't know it was such a touchy term.

George smiles to reassure me Thalia won't get out of hand again, "Everyone's so PC these days. You're cool, dude."

Thanks. Anyhow, how are you guys coping with leading this lifestyle in this day and age?

"It has its rough days. There's so much shit going around these days, you really have to be careful about who you pierce. If you bite someone with thalasemmia or sickle cell, you can have diarrhea for days. There was this one old dude who---"

Thalia interrupts George, "You don't want to hear that story, trust me. Geez, you're such a dork, George."

Not Another Love Song

This isn't love. This is just the beginning of something. Something bigger than either of us know anything about. You'll see. When you experience love, you don't have to ask, it's just already there, defined in your heart and you can't believe that it's actually there, just sitting crossed-legged in your heart like it was effortless.

But this isn't love. You'll see. That's so sad, though, the saddest thing to say to yourself or to another person for that matter "NOT LOVE". Because that's what everyone really wants right-- love.

I'm doing you a favor, though, in the long run. You'll look back and say, Gee she sure was right. I'm sure I didn't waste my time. And I'll smile because I know that you're thinking that and it'll make me smile smile smile.

All I can say is don't give up, ok? If it doesn't happen, today, tomorrow, or the next day, it's because it wasn't supposed to happen today, tomorrow, or the next day. And when you finally give up, fed up with the smothered candle light dinners and hippie talk, you'll feel it crossed legged in your heart wondering, What took you so long?