Dirty Lady, that's just not right...

She was a normal looking lady. Like any other customer that would come into our store. At least nothing to make me take a second glance at her.

She came up to the register and said she wanted to ring up her food order from the kitchen and I said sure, of course. That's when it happened.

She handed me the stinky bills.

At first, I didn't even know where that odor was coming from. It just hit me like a sack of potatoes and I almost burst out saying, "Holy shit, do you smell that shit? What the fuck? What is that? Where is that coming from?" But after batting the empty air and looking down at the bills she had handed me, I realized...it was the stinky bills.

And it's not like I could give the money back. Because the money was real...it just was stinky...but not just stinky...it was STANKY. STANK STANKY. Dirty lady, that just ain't right. But I couldn't say anything to her because it probably would have just embarassed her and made me look like an asshole. And her order was already being cooked. So I had to finish up and give her the change. Once that was done and she had her back turned I hurriedly put the bills in a plastic bag and tied it up as to not have any odor leak out.

But the smell was on my hands now!

It was like the worst smell ever. Even worse than walking behind a garbage truck. Even worse than having a newborn's diaper taped to your nose. Even worse than some hobo in the street who hasn't washed in years and reeks of alcohol and than vomits on you and tries to wash the vomit off with his piss. A mixture of manure, urine, dirt, sweat, fish guts, rancid meat.....those things don't even give the smell justice. This was some prize-winning shit.

And as she waited for the order to finish, she kept buying things which made me have to touch her bills even more.

A candy bar....
...Then a pack of gum.....
.......Then a soda....
..............Then another candy bar.....

Goddammit, stop buying stuff with your stinky money! I was trying so hard to be strong but my mind MY MIND was just repulsed by this lady and her stinky money and for God knows what reason it was that way. I really couldn't think of a feasible reason. Geezus lady, did you wipe your ass with these bills or something??

Finally she left and I thoroughly sanitized my hands with soap, alcohol, bleach...battery acid. Anything I could get my hands on.

The day passed and I was ready to forget until my mom came to count all the money for the day when all of a sudden I hear her shout, "OH my god, did some one step in goose poo-poo??!!